Christmas 2020

Santa in a Bubble, Seattle, 2020

It was a dark and rainy weekend morning in the midst of a pandemic. The kind of weather that could be well described as, simply, gross. Although it was a Saturday at the height of the holiday shopping season, the streets were deserted and, as is so often the case these days, there was an odd stillness in the air.
On this particular day, I was driving around rather aimlessly, my dog peering out from the backseat windows. I was feeling restless and wanting to fill one of my days off of work. The rainy weather had ruined my weekend plans: thanks to Covid it’s not feasible to hang out with people anywhere but outdoors, and the rain makes social plans impossible— even the Saturday night beach bonfire that I had been so looking forward to was cancelled due to the rain. My afternoon plans to meet up with a friend for dual photo session? Also rained out. It was beginning to look a lot like… not Christmas at all. The feeling that something is off seems to be a thin veil on the realization that so much has been lost this year.

In search of solace, I headed toward my favorite local European patisserie— because when things are feeling rough, an amazing chocolate croissant with a warm latte will work wonders. My head was full of the questions I’d been working through, turning over complex-seeming problems in the hopes that the answers would finally reveal themselves. I could feel the accumulated weight of 2020 pressing on me, and the rain was not helping.
As I solitarily drove down what would’ve normally been a busy street, something on the sidewalk to my right caught my eye: a big, bright plastic bubble with the most friendly looking Santa imaginable, literally looking straight at me and waving with a huge (and, it seemed, knowing) smile. He actually twinkled, and it went straight to my heart; suddenly, my internal barometer shifted and a wave of emotion set in.

Yes it’s true, Christmas is an emotionally loaded time. Through much of my life, I’d find myself crying quiet tears at Christmas Eve church candlelight service, or when sweet children’s choirs would sing, or when I realize that people’d been spending their time picking out really thoughtful gift for me. Then, having my mother unexpectedly pass away just before Christmas two years ago only further complicated the emotional minefield surrounding the Holidays. And this year… no parties, no caroling, no “shoppers running home with their treasures”… no fun. Add to that I’m far from ‘home’ (or any idea of what that is supposed to be for me), unable to really see my friends face-to-face since everyone’s isolating (not to mention wearing a face-obscuring mask), and about to experience Christmas away from my family for the first time ever (strange but true fact that recently occurred to me). It’s definitely a new kind of holiday situation.

Anyway, back to Santa:
As I slowly rolled by and stared, I found my self locked in gaze with this guy and his big, bright, smiling face. He was waving right at me and hard, with zero hesitation. MERRY CHRISTMAS! he mouthed through the plastic, the rain, the great distance that separated his mindset from mine.
And I realized… Santa’s right. If this guy can sit out on the street on a cold and rainy Seattle day, smiling and laughing so freely with the sole and sincere purpose of spreading cheer, then I can certainly get over all my little problems and focus instead on the absolutely incredible existence that I am experiencing. I’m alive, healthy, and have everything I need. Also, I’m currently living in one of the most beautiful places on Earth, in a city I’ve loved my whole life, and I’m right in the midst of one of those precious few phases of profound life transition. I have a million things to be incredibly grateful for. I just needed to snap out of it.

So yes, Santa: happy holidays indeed to you and me and everyone else. Thank you for being a lovely person who is living in service of others by spreading joy in the way that you can, to all of us who can also smile because we’ve made it through this far somehow.
This year, I am grateful for Seattle Santa.

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Post Script:
I went back to take some photos of him, a couple weeks following that first sighting. I’m still waiting for my medium format film to get back from the lab; the photo above I shot on my iPhone.
Fun fact: I actually talked to Santa for a few minutes, and was interested to learn that he actually worked on one of the teams who developed digital photography technology for the mass market, back in the 1990s. Thanks, Santa! As much as I love film, I can’t imagine my career without my D-SLRs over the past 17 years!!